


Quite a Gentle Way

by celestialskiff



Category: Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-13
Updated: 2012-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialskiff/pseuds/celestialskiff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My explanation from 2009: I watch the latest episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. I crave Noel and David O'Doherty. I write a fic about them having sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quite a Gentle Way

"In quite a gentle way, then?" Noel says.

"I'm a man wearing a cardigan. Of course it will be gentle."

"Excellent," Noel says. "I'm always up for some tender love-making."

"Yeah," says the DOD, "Anyone can tell that just by looking at the way you fiddle with your fringe."

"Can they?"

"Oh yes," says David, "No one who wants it vigorous has hair quite like yours. Me too. It's all to do with the soft fringe and the face like a Lego man."

"That does make sense," Noel agrees. He can feel himself smiling. His apartment smells musty and there's a sticky place on the table and he can't really remember how it got there.

“I like all the things you know about pandas,” Noel says. He's leaning quite close to David now. David smells like biscuit and his body looks soft and comfortable, like Noel could cuddle up on his lap and it would be comfortable instead of just bony.

“Panda's genitals don't fit together,” David says. “The penis doesn't fit into the lady.”

“My penis doesn't fit into the lady either,” Noel says.

“Oh. Is it too mighty?”

“Yep, by far. It has to have its own special extension in my trousers and I can only really have sex with elephants. But that, David, is rape.”

“That's a shame. Is that why you want me to bum you?”

Noel giggles. “Aren't you direct?”

“Not really. That's why you asked me back here.”

“Oh true,” Noel says. He's wearing an old t-shirt that feels comfortable and almost lucky, and he wants a cuddle and brief meaningless sex and he's only a little bit drunk.

“You're very nice, aren't you?” Noel says. “A bit too nice for me.”

“Oh, you're not that bad,” David says. “Besides, it's always nice to explore the delicious cake side of life sometimes, even if you like bags of drugs too.”

“Do you? Like bags of drugs?”

“Only on Tuesdays,” David says, which feels like too much of a fake answer to Noel, really. But he doesn't want to push it. He wriggles closer to David on the sofa and gives him a brief kiss. It feels wet, their lips are out of rhythm with each other, but it's nice too. David tastes savoury, a bit like gherkins. His body is warm against Noel's side and his leg.

“Do you often do this?”

“I don't always get asked back by the pretty people,” David says.

“I'm not pretty. It's mostly fallacy,” Noel says, but he smiles. He likes the way David looks at him, like he's nicer and more attractive than he really is. Mostly people either fawn over him, or, when they know him too well, look at him with a sort of amusement and disapproval.

Noel throws one leg over David's lap and kisses him again, this time for longer. It's nice.

“I like your cardigan,” Noel says. “I wish I could wear cardigans.”

“Why can't you?”

“I can never decide which t-shirt to wear with them.” He kisses David again. David's mouth is soft and his tongue is quite passive. Noel liked it when people bite his lips and face and neck but he doesn't want to say anything. He liked how soft this all is.

He scrambles onto David's lap, with his back to him and his legs spread wide. It's an awkward angle to kiss at and sometimes David misses and gets his chin or his neck. Noel grabs David's arms and wraps them around his stomach.

“You're so hot, I love your skin,” David says against his neck.

Noel pretends to mishear. “You're gonna make me a tuna sandwich? Not quite the right moment, David,” he says.

Sometimes he hates this. All this, You're so hot, Let's just fuck because we want to, Aren't you a good boy, God, you're so tight, all this bollocks. Sometimes he just isn't interested. He just wants someone to say, “I like pandas. Let's make pancakes after this. I like it when you twist my left nipple.” All that practical stuff.

Noel holds on to David's arms, feeling the weight and warmth of them. Then he pulls the left one down and puts it on top of his penis. David doesn't really do anything at first, just rests it there too, his fingers motionless on the warm hard penis. Noel rubs up against the hand and David just holds it firm, not moving it away, letting Noel rock against it as he pleases. Noel drops his hands and they rest limply on the sofa. David keeps kissing his throat and face and his mouth and Noel likes his hot sour breath and the warm tongue on his lips.

He feels a little like a rabbit in a burrow, somewhere dark and warm and safe. He bucks and ruts against David's hand and it sends more warmth through his groin.

He slides down, between David's legs, off his lap, and kneels in front of David's crotch. He struggles with the zip and the button for a minute, and then reaches in and pulls out the penis. It's not that big or intimidating, and he's glad. He hates it when penises don't take after their owners.

He licks it and then gets some of it into the side of his mouth, setting up a slow rhythm, his fist around the base, rocking up and down. David huffs and groans and leans his head back. He keeps on going until his jaw hurts too much, at which point David is gripping the sofa cushions.

“Should we have sex now?” Noel asks.

“Yeah, ok,” David says breathily. Noel has to go into his room to get the condoms and the lube, and it's a strange walk down the dark corridor. He has to turn the light on in his room to find them and it's very bright. He thinks it might be easier if he brought David to his bed instead of leaving him on the sofa, but decides against it and brings the things back with him.

He gives David the condom, and David's hands are shaking. Noel takes off his trousers and leaves them in a heap on the floor. He doesn't take his t-shirt off. It's a bit cold. He squirts some lube into his own hands and rubs it back and forth to warm it up and then slides a finger into his bum. It feels tight and sore and he stretches the finger around to loosen it up. It's a bit of a difficult angle and David is looking at him in a strange way.

He hands David the lube instead.

“Do you do this often?” Noel asks. “Have sex with the fancy men, that is.”

“Not that often,” David says.

Noel climbs on top of him. He can feel David's penis against his thigh. This bit of sex is always the bit where he wants to back out, where it feels a little nerve-racking. But he never wants to stop, either, the part of him that wants to come is always the strongest part.

“Lie down,” Noel tells David, and David stretches out across the sofa. Noel clambers on top of him and holds David's penis in one hand. It stings as it presses up against the hole, but Noel lowers himself on to it slowly. He doesn't try to accommodate all of it at first. It stings, but not in a wholly unpleasant way.

He stretches down to David, and kisses him again, sliding his tongue into David's mouth.

“God, you're so hot,” David says.

“Tell me another story about pandas,” Noel says, rocking back and forth on David's cock, which makes David's eyes go wonky in his head. Noel slides a bit further down on it and then slowly thrusts against David which he seems to like. Noel likes it too after it stops hurting so much that it can't be pleasurable.

“Pandas...” David says, “When you die them, they always turn blue, no matter what colour you're trying for.”

“Oh. Great. It's really hard to find blue hair dye,” Noel says. He flops against David, and David wraps his arms around him. He starts thrusting into Noel then, and Noel finds himself groaning and murmuring and shaking. It's good, this is the good part, the part where you float far away and just notice what your body is doing.

David comes quicker than Noel expects, groaning into Noel's neck, and he keeps thrusting slowly into Noel until Noel pulls away. David is smiling as Noel squats over him, finishing himself off. His come gets on his hand and his arm and his t-shirt and David's shirt, but neither of them really mind.

Noel lies down against David again, and the DOD holds on to him gently.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Noel says. He feels sleepy, and he nibbles on the end of his hair and then on his thumb.

“Yeah, ok,” David says.

“How about pancakes tomorrow?” Noel says.

David laughs. “How about a delicious cake?”

“Yeah,” Noel says. “That'd be nice. Something with jelly beans on.”

“Yuk. Yeah, ok,” David says.

THE END


End file.
